Gripe, gripe, gripe

I need to gripe.  I can't gripe to my sisters, they will tell.  So I will gripe privately.

Caregiving is the pitts.  Say Yes to everything.  Never disagree.  Be passive agressive with Mom.  Even when she says she wants to cook, drive, whatever.

Honestly, if I wanted her dead, I would let her drive and I wouldn't care if she didn't take her meds!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And walking Amy's dog is miserable!!!!! She constantly pulls out of her collar - my dogs are faster - I want to pull my hair out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, I am done with my pity party.  Maybe.

I Wish I Had Someone To Talk To

It is strange, this household.  My sister is working full time out of the house, which is great.  She is injured, her pets are injured - they need lots of care.  My sister is pretty self reliant.  She can leave and do what she wants, have a massage, go shopping.  She eats a very strange diet, but no one has to fix it for her - cereal, Chipolte.  
I fix my mothers meals - all of them - breakfast, lunch and dinner.  She prefers to eat in her room.  I eat whatever, by myself.  The only time we eat together is Sunday dinner.  Every third week is mine to cook - so....

It doesn't matter.  I have no one to talk to.  No one to eat with.  My mother hates what I fix.  She would rather drink wine and eat potato chips.  She always asks me if I need money.  Why doesn't she THINK that I do - I don't work outside of the house!  I HATE asking for money.  I hate my life.
I feel as if I have no control over anything.
I don't know anyone here and my friends I guess aren't really friends, they don't write or call.  I am the anomoly.  Not married.  No kids.  Live at home and take care of mother.  Nothing good about that.

I always put on the good face.  I take care of my animals.  I am a good person.  I just feel like I am not here.