I am a caregiver, a nurturer - but I am not a parent. I care for my siblings and their families. I cared for my grandparents and my parents. And yet, I am alone.
I have started this as a sort of diary of feelings, because it is often easier to not open up and say how I really feel.
I am a talker, and it is too easy to open up and tell stories - I love stories - but I have stories that I can tell to my family and stories I can tell to my friends and stories to tell strangers. But real feelings often remain untold.
I talk to God at night or when I walk my dogs - but I have heard that it is better to write them down. A diary. A diary that is private - not kept on a shelf. Not where someone can find it and read what I feel.
I wish it was easier, but I know there are certain things I can say to certain people. I sure would be easier to say what I really think, but others are so prickly.
This is a beginning -
In so many ways my life has abruptly changed. I thought I would work until the day I died and all of a sudden, I don't have a job. It is freeing and frightening. I need to work, I like to work. But do I want to do the same work? Unemployment offers the opportunity to apply for grants and go back to school. I'd like to, but in what? It is a lot to think about.
I have to apply for jobs in order to get unemployment. And this economy is tough.
The down side is that losing my job has negated what I knew for so long - it has caused me to think that I have wasted so much time.
It is a beginning.
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